Failed, Terrified and Bewildered

I am 4 days post op.  I drank my water, had 60 grams of protein, about 400 calories, then.....I screwed up.  My husband made a sandwich and it smelled so good.  I ATE A WHOLE PIECE OF TOAST WITH BUTTER.  I am terrified and bewildered.  It was 3 hours ago.  I am an empty pit.  No gas, no feeling stuffed.  How could I eat this, why can I?  Will the food get stuck in the stitches inside my stomach.  What's wrong? why am I not having a problem.  I feel so cheated.  If I can eat on day 4, what about day 40??   I am trying to get into a 6 week group therapy class, but no response yet from the doctor.

I am certainly not an expert, and would absolutely recommend talking to your surgeon about this, but the reason you aren't feeling anything is because your nerves were cut during the surgery and will take months to regenerate.  That is the main reason that you have to measure and be extremely aware of what you consume.

You will make mistakes along the journey.  Now is a great time to resolve to stick to your plan.  No one can make your surgery work for you except you.  It's all about choices.  It's never going to be about what you can or cannot do.  It has to be about the choices you want to make to improve your health and your life.  You can do it.  Good luck.

My doctor told me if I ate the prescribed food before I was supposed to that I could DIE.  Maybe it was scare tactics, but he described to me what would happen if I ate regular food in the first few weeks if I blew the pouch.  You should call your surgeon pronto!

Your surgeon flat out lied to you.  There are many surgeons who start their patients back on soft foods just a couple of days after surgery.  (I had scrambled egg on Day Three and had a baked buffalo chicken chunk a week after that.)  My surgery was 8 years ago and I have been on here 8.5 years and I have yet to hear of anyone who "blew" their pouch!  

Lora

Hello,

First of all, congrats on having your surgery!

I am only 3 months post up and have followed my doctors/nutritionist plan and have not waivered. I wanted this surgery so bad that I don't want to eat something that is not on my plan or may not be good for me.

Support group may be good to try.

I have not had any bread. I am allowed one piece of toast per week but haven't tried it yet since it has no nutritional value to me. This surgery is a tool but I know I have to do my part and not test the waters. 

Hi and congratulations on your surgery! The first thing to remember is that having can happen. It's what you do afterward that counts. So, you ate the bread (and not having feeling in your pouch now is normal). What are you going to do now?

If you let yourself get into the cycle of beating yourself up, that you're a failure, then what? Pick yourself up, recommit and move forward. Since this is a lifetime change, I think it's important that we learn to move on and forward and not let our heads take us on detours. Good luck, get back in track and get some counseling so you don't let old behaviors get in your way. You can do this!! You need to restore your self-confidence!!

I don't even know where to start. 

Will the food get stuck? It could. There's a reason we start off on liquids or pureed foods. 

Why are you not having a problem? Sheer luck. You could have very easily ended up in the E.R. and having emergency surgery.  

How could you eat this? The surgery itself isn't going to physically stop you from eating crappy foods...that's up to YOU to not eat crap. 

Frankly, you SHOULD be feeling scared and bewildered. You dodged a bullet. 

I probably sound really harsh, and I won't apologize for it. You need a reality check. 

There is no going back. You made the decision to do this, you have to stick to it. I fully expect to fail at some point, but now is the time to look at what you did and decide to move forward and restart. 

You CAN do this. Don't give up. 

First off, you can use this as a learning experience or you can use this as an excuse to fail.  It is up to you.

I don't think there is anyone who has had WLS who can claim to have followed the rules 100% perfectly, at least as some point.  We are human and many of us have food issues and that is what brought us to the operating table and having surgery on your body won't help the problems that start in your brain.

So, you are on the right track.  Address you food issues now before things get out of hand.  There are online groups as well as in person groups.  I know that OA is free and there are meeting in a lot of places, including online.

You can get support here as well.  If you are able to then working with a counselor who specializes in eating disorders is great.  Contact your local mental health center and ask for referrals.  She if you can find someplace that has a sliding fee scale.  But do it.  You have already seen that you aren't able to control your eating even after surgery and the risks that you are aware of.

Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up.  It isn't productive and won't undo anything.

Whenever I find myself worried about something I ate I remind myself that it is over and the only thing I can do about it is learn from it and hopefully make better choices next time.

There will be a next time and finding the tools you need to not give into temptation is important to get through all the times ahead when it may call to you.

First, don't panic.  You just ate some toast, you didn't commit murder.

So don't eat any more toast.  Easy peasy.

Focus on your protein intake, drink lots of water, walk as much as you can.

Forgive yourself and go forward.